In a word: Listen
In a Phrase: Listen to connect
In a Sentence: Growth requires us to listen to connect (heart -to-heart), not judge or reject.
The period from 25 weeks' gestation to 5 to 6 months of age is most critical to the development of the neurosensory part of the auditory system. We are designed to listen and make connections to our external world from the most primal parts of our brain. As we grow and develop, we learn to listen to our internal and external worlds, which can vastly cancel each other out. Knowing how we listen as adults is key to self-awareness and growth. And, experiencing the most advanced form of listening through coaching can have excellent results in personal and professional growth.
In Judith Glaser’s, “It’s Time to Fix the way you are listening,” there are four common types of listening which I have edited slightly:
I believe coaches need to identify their own processes for open, “listening to connect” conversations. When I prepare to coach, I spend about 10-15 minutes preparing my physical and mental spaces. I quiet my mind through breath work. This helps me clear my own “attic spaces” acknowledging and releasing thoughts, biases and solution-oriented thinking. When I enter into the coaching engagement my heart and mind are open to connect and hold a safe space. While coaching, I literally visualize connecting my heart to my client’s heart.
My experience is that heart-focused connection enables me to listen deeply without judgement, reflect back what I hear and ask direct, open-ended questions. When I hear “self” judgement or rejection from my client, I “double click” on the words and explore what is underneath. This is also true for shallow or positional responses. Double-clicking can look like,
“Say more about…”
“What associations do you have with…?”
“How is … serving you …?”
“Where do you feel…in your body? What does that part say about…?”
“How does…impact those you interact with?”
When the person I am coaching also embodies listening to connect (especially heart-to-heart), not judge or reject, they have access to thoughts, ideas and resources not previously explored. Breakthroughs happen. Trust deepens. Progress towards personal and professional growth and goal achievement is realized.
Up next from Christy:
In a Word: Flow
In a Phrase: Neuroscience of Level III Conversations
Associate Certified Coach (ACC), International Coaching Federation (ICF)
MetroDC Coach (Level 2)
New Connections Campaign Director, MetroDC Synod
Graven, S., and Browne J., Auditory Development in the Fetus and Infant, Science Direct, online https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1527336908001347
Glaser, J., Leaders (October 2014). It’s Time to Fix the Way You Listen. Downloaded from Entrepreneur onlinehttps://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239221